Learning to be a Mom

Still learning....it is the worst when you do those things as a parent that you wish had never happened.  Sometimes I feel my list is too extensive for only 14 months in.The first was when he fell off of the bed, or the time he flipped out of the stroller because I forgot to buckle him in (caught him thank goodness), not using diaper rash creme because I thought it was to help a rash not prevent, and bumping his head on the door frame when holding him and walking through the house, or when the bath water was too hot that he screamed the next couple times fearful of the same thing, or the time Andrew and I miss communicated and the base wasn't buckled in and while strapped in the car seat flipped over. He was not even crying but it scared me half to death!  Then there is the one I don't even want to mention or like to talk about.

How about the time I locked my keys in the car to go to story time at the library .  It was hot at 10AM so thank goodness I had parked in the shade.  I had the stroller out, my diaper bag with phone and no baby!  All the other moms are looking at me probably thinking about how stupid I was.  He was unstrapped already and just sitting there playing with my keys!  I called Andrew first, calmly telling him he had to leave work right away but screaming inside.  He suggested I call 911 and a cop would probably come and just unlock the car.  So I did and less than a minute later I hear sirens.  My first thought is o, I hope everything is okay.  As they got closer and louder I thought please don't be for me, please don't be for me! Well guess what, two firetrucks and an ambulance later he was out of the car within 30 seconds to a minute of them getting there!  I kept apologizing and saying thank you over and over again terribly embarrassed but extremely relieved.  He was probably not even in the car for five minutes!  A library employee came out to see that everything was okay, then all the moms started leaving because guess what?  Story time had been canceled, I held my head up high and walked into the library to hide among the books, when I really wanted to just go home and never come out of the house again!

 

None of these incidences are recent but not too recently I prepared his food too hot and burnt his mouth, and this week he had a BAD diaper rash.  He woke up at midnight on Tuesday hurting from cutting teeth and the diaper rash.  Diaper creme was not giving him enough relief so being the good mommy I like to think I am I researched the internet to find things to help! I read that baking soda helped so I put it on his bottom and then realized it was burning him!  Then we put him in the bath with the baking soda AND WATER which did help and read that Crisco is a great aid for diaper rashes.  So he was freezing and I put him in his PJ's, with a Crisco relieved bottom and wrapped him in a blanket and held him close feeling terrible.  Remembering all the above incidences happening for just not knowing, or not thinking or being too laid back or not paying attention while I held him and rocked him to sleep.  Talking about me feeling like a terrible mother!!! Andrew and I have both made mistakes, but we as parents want to protect our children from every possible painful thing that can happen to them so when we ensue the pain ourselves from a mistake it is the most worst terrible feeling in the world!!!!    I know he still loves me and has forgiven me in spite of it all when he wants me to cuddle him or just wants me to be close or the big silly grins he gives me.  I know no matter what happened in the past or the future nothing replaces mommy!  This is just the beginning and these are mistakes I will work hard to keep from happening with any future babies! I know that learning to be a Mommy is a life long process.

Please note***I do not always feel like a terrible mother and I am over the feeling bad about myself that you go through after doing something like this and I know every parent has had some of these things happen.